Must Read Mysteries not only sells print mysteries, but also makes readers aware of new releases, sales, and free ebook mysteries through their Facebook page. They’re a fantastic resource, so I was extremely geeked when Mr. Must Read Mysteries (Scott) asked if I’d like to guest post on their blog.
You can find me there tomorrow, Wednesday, writing on Death and Comedy. I think it’s worth reading if only for the joke at the end.
I was upstairs at the computer when I heard Josie O whining downstairs. I ignored her, as usual, but it kept up for longer than usual, so I decided to make sure nothing was wrong. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs with her head stuck in her chipmunk stump toy.
I know I should have taken a picture, but I felt too bad for her. Her ear was sticking out one of the holes and everything. It was really pathetic.
Josie weighed 2 lbs. 10 ozs. mid-morning on our digital postal scale. The weight chart for Chihuahuas projects her at 4 lbs as an adult. I think that was the projection when she was born, too. Apparently these things are pretty accurate.
We took our longest walk yet this morning, around a full block plus a bit. She behaved really well, with only a little random woofing. Didn’t see any other dogs. Sorry I didn’t get a better photo. Am still getting used to everything, and seem to have too few hands.
Chihuahuas have almost no downside. They’re portable, good-tempered, quieter than the average dog (you heard that right – they don’t bark more than average dogs and their bark is quieter), reasonably healthy (they’re prone to seizures and tooth decay), long-lived (14-17 years, on average), most of them can’t get on the furniture unless you provide a set of stairs, they’ll never drag stuff off the kitchen counter, and you can train them to use the indoor potty system of your choice. So what’s the catch?
Chihuahuas are so fragile that I have been told many firsthand stories about Chihuahuas dying in freakishly easy ways, simply because of their size.
[Chi mommies who have lost pets tragically, you should stop reading now and look at cute puppy pictures instead. But if you’re planning on or considering Chihuahua ownership (or any other small breed), you should be aware of the risks. Don’t worry – there are no grim pictures, and I’ve tried to keep things on the lighter side.]
One of the rules of humor is that a lot of anything starts to get funny. People warned me about so many ways Chihuahuas had been known to die that it got darkly ridiculous (but don’t think I’m not grateful – I am). It got so I’d wander into Angel Joe’s office and say something like, “Just heard a new one. Chihuahua fell out of a puppy purse during a blender demonstration at the Home Show.” (That did not happen.)
So I’ve create an educational quiz, to highlight the risks and responsibilities of owning a tiny dog. See if you can pick the real ways in which Chis have perished versus ones I made up. (Of course, the ones I made up could have happened.)
All right. Here are the answers.
Fell from a standing person’s arms. Yup. Usually when a puppy.
Crushed trachea. This is a trick question, because their tracheas can be crushed (you should always walk them with a harness), but I’ve never heard of one dying right away from it. Usually the breathing problems result in heart trouble, and that eventually does them in.
Gator. Actually, gators seem to prefer poodles. But surely it’s happened, as evidenced by this Halloween costume.
Fell off stairs through bannister railing. Heard that from several people, including my vet. In fact, I think I heard of one that just fell down the stairs and died. We have become paranoid about keeping the door to the basement shut.
Baseboard heater. I made that up. We have baseboard heaters, and I don’t know if I should be worried.
Stepped on. Yup, usually puppies.
Ran into wall chasing toy, broke neck. Actually, it was a coffee table leg. Probably the most shocking one I heard, as it happened right in front of the owner. Horrible.
Drowned in toilet. Don’t be ridiculous. How could they reach a toilet?
Choked on stub of carrot. Yup. Heard that one first hand. She slices the carrots in thin slivers now.
Sat on. Despite the famous cartoon, I haven’t heard of this actually happening. My mother was surprised when I told her. Turns out she sits on her black cat with some regularity when the room is dark. Good thing she’s skinny.
Door closed on head. Made it up. Seems like it could happen, though. Both my mom and I have closed sliding glass doors on our cats’ heads. Cats have hard noggins. Chihuahuas do not.
…and all the rest are true. I think death by house cat was another puppy.
So there you have it – the joys of Chihuahua ownership in the manner of Edward Gorey. Turns out that the price of owning an adorable, convenient dog is constant vigilance. Some things to consider before getting one:
Chihuahuas, alone among dogs, have a soft spot on their skulls that never goes away.
Those little twig legs and tiny ribcages are delicate enough that you should never have a Chihuahua if you have young children. Seriously. I’d probably wait until the kid is seven.
For similar reasons, it’s inadvisable to own a Chihuahua if you are an alcoholic, have vertigo, or are very unsteady on your feet for any reason. Those who own Chihuahuas often develop what Nancy, my dog’s co-breeder, calls “the Chihuahua shuffle,” a manner of walking that doesn’t lift the feet, so tiny toes can’t get caught beneath your shoes.
When walking a Chihuahua, you need to constantly scan the surroundings for unleashed large dogs or, depending on your neighborhood, wild animals. Never walk a Chihuahua off leash, and always use a harness. You need to be able to pull that sucker off the ground like a yo yo.
Your decor and landscaping may suffer from having chick wire, orange webbing or Plexiglas over the open spaces between bannisters, deck railings and fences.
You should never leave your Cihuahua alone in a fenced yard, because of birds of prey. Oh, and avoid gator-filled swamps. But that’s a good idea anyway.
Yesterday I fed treats jointly to Musette la Plume (cat) and Josie O (Chihuahua puppy), as part of my ongoing work to have the cat get used to the dog. Josie was on the floor, and Musette was on the second step up. After I felt they’d had enough treats, I started petting them, but Josie was in a rambunctious mood and put her front paws on the bottom step, trying to reach the cat. Musette hissed at her – once, twice, and then she bopped the puppy on top of her little head. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for Musette to grow a pair of big-girl titties, to mix a whole bunch of metaphors. Josie yelped once, and not very loudly (she can be a real drama queen). I checked, and saw nary a mark. I do think Musette understands that Josie is a baby, so she must have kept her claws in. Man, she’s fast. I’ve always been in awe of cats’ physical abilities. They’re such perfect predators; right up there with sharks.
Unfortunately, the kitty machismo probably won’t last. It takes a long time for Musette to learn stuff, or possibly she doesn’t want to. She continues to run across the living room to the stairs if Josie is there, unless I’m there to distract/restrain all 2.5 pounds of puppy menace. I’ve moved one of the cat posts next to my desk, so Zetty can look out the window and get the occasional butt scratch instead of occupying my lap. She’s still a very happy cat. She’s especially happy that she gets two wet meals a day, which she didn’t before. Life is a mix of shadows and light, small dogs and canned food.
Josie is doing very well on walks, although for the first time today, she decided the outdoors was overrated and she wanted to go back home. Might have been too chilly, or maybe she smelled something scary, dunno. Yesterday was in the 60s, and we got two walks in. Twice people in cars stopped to talk to me about her and pet her from their windows. She didn’t even have a cute little sweater on, just her harness. We live in a town that mostly owns big dogs, suitable for back country hiking and swimming in the creek, so Josie is a novelty. Me, I wanted a dog suitable for neighborhood strolls and sitting on my table at outdoor coffee shops.
One of my aims in dog ownership was to take two walks a day. Since it looked like snow, I achieved that goal today and took Josie O out for a second walk. Our walks are still short, and very meandering, but I got out of the house twice today, and that’s more than usual. Just looked outside, and snow is swirling down.
The one word my Chihuahua puppy knows for sure is “kitty.” Musette la Plume exerts a powerful glamour over Josie O, and that started long before I began giving them treats jointly, to make Musette tolerate Josie’s presence.
Things Josie O knows about the cat.
1) She’s the only other furbaby in the house.
2) She’s large and powerful, able to leap onto tall objects, such as the couch.
3) She doesn’t go to the bathroom, at least not where Josie can see.
4) She gets to go outdoors at will.
5) She speaks a foreign language, and has mysterious conversations with the woman.
6) She hates puppies.
I can only imagine their unspoken thoughts toward each other, as Josie stands at the bottom of the stairs and Musette looks down at her.
Josie O: “Hi! Hi! I don’t know what you are, but I want to play with you! Look at me wagging my tail! You can trust me – look at me looking away from you. Now I’m looking back, but I’m wagging my tail even harder! Hi!”
Musette la Plume: “Look at that thrashing tail. And what’s with those eyes? They’re all pupil. She wants to kill me for sure. Oh, she seems small, but the second I let my guard down, she’ll puff up and show her real size, which is probably huge, like a beagle. Well, dream on, dog.”
Both: “Wait…Mom’s coming over…with treats!“
Musette very much in evidence downstairs this morning. I decided to give them both treats while they were on the same level (usually Musette is on the stairs and Josie on the floor. Josie O is so well trained to not come near the cat that I had to really call to get her to come over. I think they were about a foot apart. Musette still a little prone to speeding up when Josie is unoccupied and they’re on the same level, but not much. Step by step (treat by treat), we make progress.
Josie O had a big day yesterday. She took her very first walk. It was morning, around 30 degrees F, so I put her black sweater and parka on and took her outside. Having never been on a real street, she was a little nervous about the occasional car going by, so I picked her up and carried her for a little. Then I put her back down. No more nervousness. She trotted along behind me. Whenever she didn’t make me wait and went in a straight line, I praised her to the skies. We walked about the length of a block, probably.
Yesterday I also gave a friend a ride from the hospital, very near our house, to her house. Joanie visited Josie a few weeks ago and fell in love with her, so she begged that I bring her in the car. So I did. Josie is good about peeing on command on her pad. Basically, I’ve praised her so much for peeing that if I put her on the pad and start praising, she pees. Handy. So she went potty before we left.
Joanie rode in the back so she could sit next to Josie in her car seat. Joanie has a great fenced patio, so Josie got to run around out there when she wasn’t being carried around or sitting in Joanie’s lap. When it was time to go, I took out the smallest of her pads, which I’d brought, and she peed again before we drove home.
I thought sure she’d be really tired for the rest of the day, but after a nap, she was her usual lively self for the rest of the day. Oh, and Joanie took the picture, above, of me and Josie in her kitchen.
In other news, I’m giving a workshop today on High Concept Marketing for your books, through the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers. I love working with people on that. There will be index cards. Oh, yes, there will be index cards.
I’ll be giving a longer version of that workshop with Karen Albright Lin, on the Thursday before the remainder of the Pikes Peak Writers Conference.
Today I received an email from Cynthia Provenzano of the Pikes Peak Library District, asking if I had discussion questions for reading groups. What a good idea! I asked if she had any tips, and she did. First, she suggested that I not have more than 10 or 12 questions per book. Second, she gave me the websites of two authors she felt provided excellent questions: Sandra Dallas and Carol Goodman. And finally, she said not to ask what actors would play the characters in a movie. (D’oh! That’s an author’s favorite game, but apparently we’re the only ones who care.)
With this information under my belt, I wrote discussion questions for both Chihuahua of the Baskervilles and The Portrait of Doreene Gray (available July 3, 2012). They are, of course, chock full o’ spoilers, so don’t read them unless you have already read the books. Or if you have no intention of ever reading them – that works, too.
Thanks, Cynthia!
Esri Allbritten 